April 8 Creepy? Creepy How???
My most recent post was rather sad, so here are some online dating profiles and my snarky responses to them. I haven't sent them to the daters ... but sometimes I think I should. Enjoy!
Meme by Tim S.
i laugh i sing what more could ya
want.
Gainful employment, good hygiene, no tattoos, good teeth,
charm, and a gentlemanly demeanor.
Just because other men have broken
your heart don't automatically asume that I will too.
You spelled “assume” wrong. Therefore, you will break my
heart—and my poor spelling limit.
I don't have much to offer but a big
heart.
Not into guys with enlarged hearts.
Disclaimer: if we meet and you
don't look like your profile photos, you're buying me drinks until you do.
And if YOU don’t look like your profile photos,
you are buying me Coach handbags until you do!
A reader suggested I list gender and age with the
profiles, so here ya go!
Male, 54-- I hug
extraordinarily well.
And you’re lazy as fuck. His profile picture
shows him with a woman with a pink dot over her face.
Male, 39-- I have visited 40
states including Canada and Mexico.
Technically, Mexico has states, but it is
actually a country, as is Canada, which has provinces. Another stunning example
of public education gone wrong.
Male, 43-- Secondly, you owe
your children a 'sorry' with a deep explanation when they get older and
certainly so does your ex. If you are a considerate thinker, you'd be attuned
to the heavy complications children deal with from broken families... Whoever
or whatever you deemed the responsibility. I consider the former, and my
formative years as the lead reason I have a non existent self esteem.
Sorry about that dude. I started taking meds recently,
and I feel more confident than ever. Also, I don’t give a fuck. You should try
it.
Male, 53-- Hello, My name is
Theodora and I am a 16 year old grey tabby cat, will be 17 in June. I’m writing
on behalf of my human servant, who is single and looking for a nice woman for
us to spend time with.
This is cute, but I don’t like cats.
Male 45-- First of all, I find
it very hard to write about myself (but I'm guessing you do too)
Hell no! I LOVE talking about myself! I love it
even more since I have self-confidence and I’m basically giving guys a taste of
their own medicine!
Male--41 I prefer to start on the 15th date so there
may be no BS, masks, lies or deceit. As if we have known one another for a
while and act as if we would on date number 15. The chemistry and passion
should be solid by then as well don't you agree?
This is a sneaky way to get sex (on the first/fifteenth
date). What a douche.
I'm a true person, I'll give
my all to you
Haha! I read this quickly and thought it said,
“I’ll give my ball to you.” Hahahahaha!
I'm a southern man born
& raised in the deep south woman must be able to cook
Well buddy, you’re up north now. Go make me a
sandwich.
I love to breed
Most men do, but they refer to it as “fucking”
not “breeding.”
I also like the quite
time with that special someone
It’s “quiet” time, not “quite” time. For fuck’s
sake!!!
Buy the books! Five star ratings!
Comments